Saturday, February 27, 2016

the joys of vacating

I sit here in my office, looking out my window to an almost gray day (there's clouds but blue sky to be seen), with a quilt on the frame waiting for attention, a child quietly doing her school work next to me and piles of my own papers just asking for attention.

And yet, I think of this photo.

Yes, it was as wonderful as it looks.
Slightly breezy.
Salty water.
The sand was absolutely perfect.

The parts of my body that I missed with sunscreen got a wee bit burned (bliss...mostly).
Chloe got knocked over by a wave (never turn your back on the ocean) and hurt her tailbone.
Both girls started to learn the trick of the boogie board.
And I watched little white clouds evaporate, literally, into thin, bright blue air.
It was enchanting.
Every.  Blissful.  Moment.

This trip, for me, was about relaxing.
Letting my body and my brain stop.
And when I say, "stop", I mean to just stop thinking,
problem solving,
I simply had to stop all of it.
Of course, I've got kids...and a husband...and a certain amount of all those things had to happen.
But I didn't have to be hyper about it.

I would sit and do sudoku puzzles endlessly.
D would ask a question and my general response was, "whatever you think is best."
Because I have been just that tired.

Do you see?
Managing a business is bone-deep work.
It feels like you need to be on every single second.
Phone, email, Facebook, website, longarm machine, sewing machine, pattern, teaching, designing...
wash, rinse, repeat.
It is endless.

For years I've struggled finding balance.
That lack of balance means that bone-deep work wears right down to the bone.

With the advent of homeschooling our precious girls I've rediscovered some of the important things.
They are important.
My faith is important.
My husband is important.
(not necessarily in that order, folks.)

And balance is super important.
I don't need to be On all the time.
So if you have been wondering where I've been and what I've been doing...
well, there you go.
I've been finding balance.
And resting.
Glorious, blissful resting.

Oh...and dancing.
I started ballet last spring.
That has been the best addition to my life.
When I go to ballet it's just me...
well, okay, the room is full of teenage girls who have been dancing significantly longer...
that parts been a bit brave (ha!)...
but I focus on my body and what I'm meant to be doing.
I'm not sorting anyone else out...or managing their needs.
I'm resting my brain, really.
Which is, entirely, a different kind of rest.

Every year I say my goal is ___________.
But this year I really am setting some goals that feel right.
This year feels different.
I'm different.
And that's a good thing.

~ h

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